9th Step Amends Common Mistakes & How To Make Amends

Make a list of everyone you’ve made promises to that you didn’t fulfill, the people you’ve lied to, stolen from, or hurt in any way because of Sober living home who you used to be, and apologize sincerely. When you make a real effort to change your past behaviors, you need to make the initial move in repairing broken relationships. These steps mean taking ownership of the past, apologizing for wherever you made mistakes and moving forward from those missteps.

What Step in AA Is Making Amends?

Rebuilding trust takes time and patience, and the person in recovery must be prepared to demonstrate their commitment to change through their ongoing actions and behavior.
Well, the time came to continue my living amends to her and redo her entire master suite, including her bathroom.
It’s much easier to just apologize and move on, but committing to living your life differently looks different.
Adam Vibe Gunton is an American author, speaker and thought leader in addiction treatment and recovery.
We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”).
Our scholarships give individuals the chance to invest in their long-term recovery through the sober living programs we partner with.
By clearly stating your commitment to change and the actions you’ve undertaken, you can convey sincerity and accountability effectively.

Step 9 centers on forgiveness and restoration, confronting past actions directly rather than avoiding them. This step emphasizes making direct amends wherever possible, acknowledging harm caused and taking actions to rectify mistakes. A big part of working the 12-Step Program is making amends. Unfortunately, after you get sober, all the hurt and destruction you caused in the wake of your addiction doesn’t just go away. You have to put in the work to repair the damage and heal those relationships.

Southern California Adult Children of Alcoholics

Though he calls her following the argument, she doesn’t answer. Though we would certainly suggest she read some of our other posts on seems like regret and self-forgiveness, we also deeply appreciate the option of a ‘living amends’. Like the definition says, amends is something we do to make up for something we feel guilty for. It is different from an apology, which is “a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure”. An apology doesn’t include an action that attempts to make up or compensate for that wrongdoing. That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here.

Be generous with your time.

It’s also important to have a plan and be prepared for different possible reactions, with guidance from a sponsor and support group of some kind.
Addiction takes over your life, stealing both your joy and your time, and making it impossible for you to give back to others and live a generous life.
It is also crucial to understand that the other person may never be ready.
Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed.

We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program. It’s important to have a plan in place before we reach out. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally.

Practicing Forgiveness and Self-Compassion

Communicating about the way you harmed others can evoke strong emotions. We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive. You’re left with a mountain of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you can ask forgiveness or make amends.

Making Indirect Amends

It is also crucial to understand that the other person may never be ready. This is when you ask a sponsor, recovery coach, or similar support person how to proceed. Substance use disorders (SUDs) can have a devastating impact on a person’s interpersonal relationships. Living Amends is a non-profit organization that provides scholarships to vetted sober living facilities throughout central Texas.

Making Living Amends in 12 Step Recovery

The what is a living amends response to amends can vary widely; some may refuse to engage, leaving the individual feeling disheartened. It’s essential to recognize that making amends involves recognizing and admitting the harm done, which can be a tough emotional hurdle. Managing emotional responses without anger or defensiveness helps handle these challenges. To make direct amends, it is important we are willing to make amends to the person face-to-face, no matter what happens, and respond in love and tolerance to anything they say.

If there’s anything I can do today to make things right, please let me know.
Support systems play a vital role in the process of doing the ninth step.
Apologies are intended to show you accept responsibility for the harm you caused to another person.
In Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), making amends is considered a crucial component of long-term recovery.
Substance use disorders (SUDs) can have a devastating impact on a person’s interpersonal relationships.
Individualized detox and residential care for addiction and co-occurring conditions using experiential healing activities like dolphin therapy on beautiful Kona.

Promises to do things differently

Apologies primarily focus on expressing remorse through words, whereas making amends involves a more profound commitment to translating those words into tangible actions. Our scholarships give individuals the chance to invest in their long-term recovery through the sober living programs we partner with. Recipients are expected to pay back 25% of the awarded amount within a year. To learn about our scholarship program, please click below or contact our team today. Some people to whom we owe amends may not be living or can’t be found. Sometimes someone may refuse to hear an amends that we would like to make.

Seeking Comfort During Grief: Too much, too little, just right

Don’t choose a time or place that doesn’t work for the other person.5. Don’t mask your discomfort with humor, making light of the situation, or try to change the subject abruptly. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. You don’t have to take our word for the success of sober living in preventing relapse.